Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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