i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
