I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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