Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
