ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
