is your mom at the bar?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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