I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
