Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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