Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
