WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
