that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
