You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
