I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
