It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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