I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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