Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
