Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
