Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
