I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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