Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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