I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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