i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
