i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
