Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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