Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
