Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
