Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize