4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
