I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
