Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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