If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize