I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
