Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
