Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
