...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
