We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
