So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize