new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
