and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
