Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
