This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
