either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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