We named our party play list daddy issues
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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