Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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