he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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