when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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