He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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