so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
