Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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