Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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