If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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