Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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