I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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