Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
