Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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