you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
