I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
FUCK WHALES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
