What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
