yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
