i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
