omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to be your penis for a week.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
