She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
