Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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