I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
