I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize