youre lurking in front of me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
