You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
