I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
